City Boy Gone Wilder

Having just crossed the Yellowstone Park gate, we spotted a lonesome bison wandering along the middle of the street. A ranger’s car was parked a couple feet away, flashing red and blue lights. I reckon the officer was just about to card the animal and give it a ticket for loitering or using both lanes of the road. I wouldn’t be staggered if wildlife in the park had tags with detailed info on how often they disturb vehicle traffic.

Barely had we traveled a few miles when there was a line of cars stuck down the road. Yellowstone National Park might be a remarkably popular tourist destination but nobody would expect a traffic jam in the evening. It turned out that bison were the troublemakers yet again. A large herd of them was slowly crossing the road, apparently oblivious of human and automobile presence around. One was cheeky enough to dab my car with its hairy thorax. Fortunately, Kowal had traded his motorcycle for the passenger seat of the Charger.

Bison are omnipresent within the park. They either block the roads or idly relax on the adjacent meadows. Although tourists are warned that stopping to take pictures of these outwardly harmless animals may end up in a tragic way, one can see loads of cars parked on the shoulder and an even greater number of cameras flashing any time there is a large herd around auto trails.

The abundant wildlife in Yellowstone is impressive, especially for people like me, who have only seen cats, dogs, pigeons, horses, cows and pigs. Here you get a chance not only to learn some odd names of animals, but also to actually spot them. However, the wild world of the park’s mammals causes a number of problems to ignorant and non-suspecting tourists. Regardless of the place, visitors are warned of grizzly bears and the injuries one might sustain upon encountering them. Campgrounds are full of signs urging people to triple-check if there are no leftovers which might attract bears. The examples of tourist dumbness/ignorance (whichever word fits better) are neatly collected into a book called 'Death in Yellowstone’ and available in stores throughout the park. The leaflets and signs informing that nobody should feel safe ‘in a bear country’ create an impression of being surrounded by blood-thirsty animals preying on you every single minute of your trip. It shouldn’t be very difficult to collect materials for ‘Death in Yellowstone 2,’ a book which, I’m more than certain, will hit the shelves sooner or later.

The aforementioned stupidity does not pertain solely to encounters with animals. Reasons for visitors’ deaths range from falling off the cliffs to stepping into boiling springs. The latter could have become our share. Tourists are only allowed to move across boardwalks or trails but the first tour began with us crossing wooden barriers and ‘trespassing’ thermal areas to take a few good shots. One of the park rangers was passing by and pulled over as soon as he noticed us. The story of gullible European tourists traversing the immense American lands proved to be successful once again. We even changed our accents to sound more East-European. The ranger was very understanding, just like all the other police officers we’ve met so far. ‘Normally, it would be a ticket but I just gotta tell you guys that it is really dangerous. A lot of people get scalded here.’ We thanked him for being so considerate and got back to the car laughing at how easy tourists can get away with pretty much everything as long as they play it dumb. However, the ranger had every reason to be concerned as walking off the beaten track is hazardous. In thermal areas, the ground may be only a thin crust above boiling hot springs or scalding mud. There is no way to guess a safe path; new perils can bubble up overnight, and some pools are acidic enough to burn through shoes.

Yellowstone boasts basically all natural wonders, including mountains, volcanoes, lakes, rivers, falls, geysers (over 50% of all existing in the world) and hot springs. Some of the views are really unprecedented. Traveling from one landmark to another gives an opportunity see things unavailable anywhere else in the world. It feels as if you had been transported to another planet, with an entirely different range of landscapes.

During a relatively short stay there, we were forced to run those road-trip-conversations and narrate our breathtaking adventures much more often than before. Seriously, people – I know that we are cool and what we’re doing here is just as awesome but stop clinging to us that much;D